Day One

Well I am once again starting over this time not because someone is sick or for my family, boyfriend or job. FINALLY it is for me. I want my life back, I don't know how I got to this but I don't like where I am. I am scared and worried about what life will be like straight again. I guess I will start from the beginning. I am a mom of 8 and a grandma of 6 I have a GREAT life. I have a fiance that I love with every part of my soul. A job that I love more than anything and a family that is been through so much but yet remained together, so WHY would I be so foolish to let this happen and why wouldn't it be easy to just QUIT. I have finally figured out some of it, MENOPAUSE has played a huge role in this for me it helped me not feel so over the top about everything. The DOCTORS are the second reason they are so damn quick to give you a PILL that you just depend on it, and I have gotten to that. I am not blaming anyone here, I know this is all about me. I know this is probably the back lash of my own screwed up childhood and teen years. I just never spent alot of time blaming or thinking about the things that happen to me as a kid. I never saw it as productive. But here I am at 47 addicted to pain medication, after 2 years or struggling I am finally doing something to make it stop. I know most will not agree with the method of which I have chosen to quit but it is about me now and I have to do it my way, even if my way is not the best choose. I bought (on the street) 30 suboxones, I am going to try and quit through the use of this medication. It makes me sick to think I am doing this but I have to. Everytime I try to stop I get so horribly ill I can't quit and I WANT to...badly....So PLEASE don't judge me, listen to me. Befriend me but if you are about to critisize me SAVE it I am not prepared to listen. I am looking for advice on the use of Suboxone. I am looking for tips on quitting I am using Percocet and Vics. Mostly the 30mg and 40mg perks.