Week 30 something

I am so exhausted I actually forget what week I am on.  The last shot was one that threw me for a loop.  I had never had bad sides from the shot itself.  But that all changed on Friday after the shot my legs buckled and broke out into a sweat.  I felt like I was going faint, vomit or ? well you know...all at the same time.  I made to sleep but the rest of the weekend, is kinda blurry..i was foggy, weak I had major headache.  I depth perception was way off.  I rested all weekend.  Then came the mental breakdown.....I have always been the one in my family who whenever someone needed something...i dropped whatever i was doing and was there in a flash... thats just me, that what i do...if you need mei I 'm there.  Now the flip side to that was, what i expected from my family.. and what i actually get.  My mom who is up in age trys to help but lives about 40 minutes from me, my oldest sister and brother live right near my mom, and my other sister is about 1 hour and 1/2 from here.  Since i started tx my two sisters have been here once.  my brother hasnt been here at all. My mom comes when i can get down there ot pick her up or if my husband can pick here.  

Anyway, when you put expectations on others, you are bound to be let down...  Has my husband said, "they are not you, and you cant expect them to be like you. " Just because you would stop your life if one of them were going through something diffcult, doesnt give you the right to expect the same has you... He was trying to get me to understand that no matter what is happening with me...others are living there lives and doesnt mean they dont care, but that just the way it is....

I have start AD's because after that breakdown...i knew i needed something.  

I am holding my breathe for the next shot hoping its not as bad as the last one... and just holding on to hit the finish line.

I am trying to work everyday...and with all the financial stuff happening too,  i just think i am overwhelmed..

As my mother says "god only gives us what we can handle"  and i told her "yea well can you tell him i have had my limit", perhaps my sister could take some of this Shi& and handle it....lol

venting again.......

but it helps to get down and out.....

peace