I want a baby

If this is something you and your bf both want, I wish you luck!  

Why not wait until you marry your boyfriend? I'm asking this simply as a question, not a command or anything. I am just curious.
I have seen quite a few of your past posts about your boyfriend and the issues you've had with him and porn sites, and more than once you've had serious trust reservations about him because of this.
If it's all under control, problem solved, that's wonderful. But is it all well and good enough that you want a marriage as badly as you want a baby with him?
You're both in your early 20's, so do you have a wedding date planned?
Bringing an innocent baby into the mix, marriage or not, is a major step to take. Not just for your relationship, but because it will involve another human being in the rest of your lives, problems and issues between you and all.
And divorces and breakups are hell to go through, especially for a child. Everyone loses the battle if that happens.

But if you're both ready for this, go for it. Good luck--every parent needs it.

I was about to say close to the same thing that AJH84 said...

Apparently, the NBC show "The Baby Borrower" didn't have much impact.

Do not get pregnant because you want a baby.  Babies grow up to become nasty, filthy, slovenly, surly, disrespectful, hungry, expensive teenagers, who are not pleasant to live with or to pay for.  

If you want a teenager, then I give you my blessing.  If you only want a baby...then you are out of touch with reality.  

*does double take*

And you haven't even talked with your BF about it???  I hope you are not EVEN thinking of stopping the pills without his 100% agreement.  

Peek is so right!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Teenagers may be snots, but babies are no joy ride either. That's for sure.

They're BOTH snots! LOL

Think twice...think 100 times.  Remember the old saying, first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage????  You don't have a baby just because you feel like it.  It is a lifetime commitment which I don't think you or your boyfriend are ready to take.  You are so young and have so much to do before even thinking this way.  By any chance is this your first boyfriend? I ask that because I find that when people get that 1st one at an older age (Late teens, 20's) they think that they must rush to have a baby.  Save your money.  Have your boyfriend get that job...get the ring, get married..travel all over the world, enjoy each other and THEN consider a baby.  Too many young girls this day have babies thinking it is the answer and the happy ever after.  It is so not like that.  I have a 3 year old little girl who is the love of my life, but your life STOPS when they come along.  You live for them....and it is great....but not until you first live for yourself and do what you need to do for YOU!  This way you have no regrets and no "should have's, would have's..etc."  ask those in their early 20's like you who have babies what they think...I know they love their children to death, but at the same time wished they waited a little longer.....best to you.

This is what I wrote to an 18 year old earlier today:

I unexpectedly became a mom at 20 years old, and, although my son is my world, I was not ready to be a parent then. In fact, I'm STILL not ready to be a parent, and I'm a couple months away from 24. However, the fact that I'm not ready to be a parent doesn't mean that I'm not a good parent. I know I can confidently say that I'm a great mom and I love every minute of it (okay, that's an exaggeration...*almost* every minute of it)!
When I was 15 years old, it was also a dream of mine to have kids, adopt kids, raise a family, be a wife. That's still my dream; not a thing has changed for that dream, and I doubt it ever will.
But when I wound up pregnant at 19, I suddenly realized with overwhelming anxiety that, as much as I wanted to be a mom and have my baby, I had NO CLUE who I was or which turns my life was going to take from that point forward. I was still a college student, in a rocky relationship, living with my mom, had no job...I mean, I had my GOALS set to finish college and make a life and all, but once I realized my child would be involved in everything that happened in my life from that point forward, nothing seemed definite anymore.
The reality of "anything can happen" hit me, and hit me hard, and my child would be a part of it, good or bad.
My life is just now beginning to become stable, and nearly ready for another child. But until I get everything "secure" in my life, as far as home ownership, finances, career stability, and a steady relationship that will become a marriage, I will not have another child. And believe me, you have no idea how badly I want another one right now!
I'd like to have another one or two before I turn 27, because I want a fairly close age range between Trevor and the other(s), no more than an 8 year difference. But I've thrown that desire out the window recently, because it doesn't matter what I want when I want it--it's about what's best for my child, my future children, my future marriage, and my life as it is.

As a side note, I spend about $7,800 a year in daycare ($145 a week).
That's just one cost of many.
Don't forget diapers, formula, clothes, food, furniture, toys, doctor bills, supplies, events...I could go on and on. And that's for a HEALTHY baby.
Kids are expensive, especially for young parents who are just beginning to establish their careers.

I think the whole chat about marriage is ****, if I'm honest.. You don't need to marry someone to show that you love and trust them etc and I'm pretty dam sure a baby or child doesn't care whether their mummy or daddy has a marriage certificate... As long as you and your partner love that child more than anything else in the world and of course show the child that he or she is loved and wanted, then surely thats all that they will ever need. I do think you should talk to your boyfriend before making any quick decisions, because babies and children are not easy... Infact I'd say being a parent is the hardest job in the world, especially to be the best that you both can be.  You should be prepared to give up anything and everything at points in your life and realise that your not a priority anymore and that your child is. Having aa baby doesn't mean that in time you can't do things like go back to college or travel but like I said your goals have to kinda sit on the shelf for a few years until you get the chance to dust them off! Good luck with whatever you decide.                                                      

I think a "real" marriage is important.  Important to the child.  Of course, people also get divorced, but it isn't as "easy" to walk away.  Having both in the home is much better for the child than "see ya on the weekend" dads.  Of course, no one plans on breaking up and things happen where people can't and shouldn't be together, but the fact that someone will say vows and show a real commitment instead of co-habitating shows both partners that they are truly serious about one another.  Ask anyone who lives with someone and then marries them.  Marriage still changes things.  What a lovely world it would be if we all could just "love" each other and show our "love" but lets come into the real world.  Raising a child alone is hard..ask any single parent....marriage is a responsibility and people work at it.  Without it, so many would just walk away...good for you, bad for the child.  Ask single mothers, when and if "dad" leaves, at least you have papers to get the support you need as well as the child...Legally, it is in the best interest for the child (and mother) whatever happens!

Also, yeah, you do give up things..and you can go back to them, like school and travel....LIKE IN 20 YEARS!  Wouldn't it be better to do that FIRST???  What's the rush???  Is it easier to go to school when you are alone, or when you have a 3 year old running around?  Who is babysitting?  Who is paying for the babysitter?  Who is paying for the college?  After all you just bought all the diapers, formulas, etc like AJH64 stated?  

To Hairbo:  You need to wake up and smell some coffee!....no offense....

As this is a medical site, Swampy wants to emphasize a few medically oriented recommendations. Swampy doesn't know you, so please excuse anything that doesn't apply to you.

1. If you are an alcohol user, discontinue all alcohol use.

2. If you smoke, stop immediately. If your boyfriend smokes, he must stop smoking around you.

3. Take folic acid supplements.

4. Discontinue eating soft cheese (like blue cheese or the Mexican cheeses) and uncooked meat products because of the danger of lysteria. This is a food born illness that causes spontaneous abortion, among other things. Swampy should add a health page in healthy cooking about it because it is very dangerous and does not get the press it deserves.

5. If you have diabetes, see your doctor.

6. Check the warnings for any prescription medications that you are taking. Talk to your doctor and make certain you modify any prescriptions as needed.

How are you set up to pay for medical care? Do you have health insurance? One powerful reason to get married first is if one of you has insurance through work.

Yeah, I want a baby too, but usually i go sit in the nursery at church and remember why I love my toddlers.  As peek says, unless you want a teenager, don't have a baby.  Babies are cute, until they vomit.  Toddlers are cute, until they sneeze.  Don't know about what's next..haven't gotten there yet.  It is an adventure and not for the faint of heart.

Think twice and then think again before bringing a life into this world.  And also make sure your bf is totally behind you in this decision.  NEVER do anything behind his back.

Oh for heavens sake! I hope this is just hormonal! Dont have a baby because you just want one.............. Im a mother of 4 and I gotta tell ya, if I knew THEN what I know NOW I would have never had kids. Dont get me wrong I love all my kids and wouldnt trade them for the world, but sometimes I wish I would have gone to college and had a career doing something I would love doing ( I know now I wanted to be in law inforcment). Now that they are grown up im sooooooooooo bored! I work part time in a nursing home................ Its too late for me to be a police woman but you have your whole life ahead of you. Think outside the box, where will you be in 20 years? Hope you think about what I said...................

Marriage.... Blah blah blah. Whether you are married or not there is always commitment and things to work through in any relationship. A bit of paper ( an expensive one at that) doesn't mean you love someone or are commititted to someone anymore than without. And if you need that bit of paper and a ring then you need to take a look at your life and what its all about. Not everyone is so concerned with material things. Being in a marriage doesn't mean its harder to walk away either, because divorce is socially exceptable and is easy to get out of, we are not living in the 1940's... A marriage certificate doesn't give you grounds for help with a child and the costs of bringing one up, however a Dna test would... Thats obviously if the father is denying the child is his. That is the only legal document that is needed in the end.              So SUZI-Q

I think you should wake up and smell the coffee because in 20 years, this young women may only be in her 40's and that doesn't seem too old to travel and go to college etc because as you know people live longer these days. The world doesn't revolve around "me me me" sort of people... If it did then we would be alot worse off than we are today. Some people are willing to give up their whole life to have a baby, i guess you weren't one of those people... no offense.

Hairbo21--divorce is "easy to get out of?"
Wow.
I am left speechless.

"Some people are willing to give up their whole life to have a baby, i guess you weren't one of those people... no offense."

Lol, all I can say to this is you've got what's coming to you from suzi-q if she responds.

Poor sweet naive Hairbo...boy, you have a lot to learn and growing up to do!

First of all, divorce is not something easy to get out of.  I, myself, have never been divorced, however, I have many friends that have!  By the way, they all married too young...

Selfish in my 20's?  Darn straight I was! Give up my life in my 20's to have a baby?  Heck, NO!   I went to school, got a career, traveled, make big bucks, and THEN got married to a wonderful man and adopted my daughter.  NO REGRETS!  I can provide for my daughter ANYTHING she wants because I established myself first.  She has the stability of  a mom and dad.  She lives in a beautiful house with 2 loving parents who will do anything for her.  She is happy and well adjusted.  I didn't give up my life for her...she IS my life.  I guess AM one of those people....no offense taken....but in MY TIME....

As a matter of fact, I think when babies have babies (I am talking when it is planned..not an accident) THAT is a VERY SELFISH MOVE!   Obviously you don't have children, because when you are  not established in your life, and you don't have the help of a husband (or the significant 20 year old guy who is going to stay in every night and help you change diapers (yeah, right...another fairytale) both emotionally and monetarily how do you plan on caring for this child?  When was the last time you checked out the prices of formula, diapers, doctors, clothes, baby food, sleepers, etc???  Obviously never....

I am sorry I do not live in your fantasy world...boy, I wish it were that easy...(to be continued)

(continued)

And yes, I do believe in marriage....that is the problem with today.  5 kids, 5 different last names....does this bother me?  Yes, because it is my tax dollars that pay for it...Each time I bet the girl swears that she was in love and I bet the guy promised to never leave.  If marriage is "no big deal" then why not do it anyway!!  I recommend it 100%!!!!

*watches intently*

If you think having a baby will changes some issues that are going on in your life, your are wrong! Please think long and hard about a baby. It is definately alifetime commitment!

AJ,  you know I love you,  but let me tell you babies ARE a joyride.  GOD for the days when I was so  worried that someone would stare at me in the store because my toddler was throwing a tantrum,  or upset because I had to get up twice in the night to feed/comfort a baby.  

I've had teenagers and babies,  and babies are funner.  

On Mother's Day my family all went kayaking, and there was a mother who had rented a canoe with her daughter - looked to be about three.  The daughter was wailing about something - she was so unhappy - and the mother had this suffering look on her face like GADS this is awful.  As we passed her my husband whispered to me "lady you think today is bad,  you just wait,  you have no idea.  Someday you'll wish you had a baby who was screaming in a canoe."

But,  um,  AJ,  not to put a damper on your parenting.  ;D  LOL.  I used to think I had it bad chasing after preschoolers who would actually leave the park while we were there,  or eat mistletoe and cause me to call EMS,  or pour out fingernail polish on the white carpet.  All that stuff was nothin'.

*wonders where in God's name her 17 year old son is,  after he called two hours ago coming home from the lake*

suzi-q. i could not agree with you more. that (peice of paper) as some call it means everything! i have 3 nephews that are in their early 20s, not married, have 4 kids and 2 on the way between them. the oldest one does pay child support but only gets to see his son every great once in awhile. that poor little boy crys when he has to leave his daddy. the other 2 are only there part time and contribute nothing. it's really put a toll on our family and the girls familys because we buy the kids what they need. they all thought they were in love and would be together forever, that did not happen and now these girls are taking care of these children without the fathers. i saw my little great niece last night, she's almost 2, and she did'nt have any shoes on. i asked, where are her shoes and her mom said she could'nt afford to buy her any. guess who'll take that baby shoe shopping, me or her grandma. you girls that want to have babys so young, think about this, my little great niece is walking arond with no shoes! and they don't have both their parents! i really admire suzi for waiting and doing what she wanted when she was younger. her daughter has the best life possible now because of that. these are not little playthings, they are babys that need every minute of your time. remar

RockRose, I totally hear ya, lol! You too, Peek. Been there with the whole teenage thing. I much prefer when they were little and cute and looked up to you. The snotty teenage years I could do without. My daughter put us through the ringer for a couple of years. I think she's finally gotten a lot out of her system. She just recently recommitted herself to God and has done a complete turnaround. I'm finally seeing the great person I knew was really in there. But let me tell you, she put us through "h e double hocky stick" for awhile there! And she was not pleasant to be around. I was seriously thinking about boarding school or something for awhile!
THAT'S IT!!!!
We should all send them of to boarding school when they're 13 and take them back when they're 18!!! And we all could just cruise around the world, sipping pina coladas. Hmm, that's a nice thought. Oh wait, I forgot, I'm not a rich celebrity, lol. I bet it would save us a lot of grief and gray hairs, though! :)
RR, did your son come home yet? I know how nervewracking that can be. They don't seem to get it that we worry about them! Only when they become parents themselves I guess.

So, who's up for a cruise with me? And who's keeping the kids? Maybe we could swap them around, take turns or something. Anyone game?
Yeah, I guess I'm in a strange mood. It comes from lack of sleep. I get goofy when I'm overtired. :P

Anyway, babies are cute and adorable but boy are they demanding! And then they grow up to be teenagers! There just seems to be no way to skip over that period, darn it.
I can't wait till my kids are married with their own kids and I just get to play Grandma! :)

April,  God bless you, I just read something about when can you stop worrying as a mother.  (I feel like Debbie Downer today!)  Anyway,  the upshot of the article was that when your kids get married and have kids,  you just have that many more to worry about.  I know my mother and mother in law have agonized with different stuff over the last 20 years - with health stuff for us,  or grandkid stuff,  and I know they both cried as hard as I did with my miscarriages.  So anyway,  trying to brighten your day by saying it NEVER ends for mothers - it's always a concern.

No,  my son didn't come home yet but he did answer his phone in Walmart.  They were getting gatorade.  All is good.  

When kids turn into teenagers and "know it all" THAT'S when they should leave home, get a great job with great pay and support their parents.  By the time they are in their 20s they don't know everything anymore  = (

If you and your b/f want children, I wish you success.  I had my first when I was 15 and he turned out alright  = )

I had my children young and they are my world, I gave up alot to take care of them and if that is your wish I wish you well, But please think about it long and hard because being a mom isnt always walking in the park in a cute dress to show everyone how amazing your baby is its more like your hair is flat you have spit up on that cute dress and the baby wont stop crying to get out of the stroller.

with that note , I was a young mom that gave up everything and I have to say that I took care of my children and they all have the same last name and nobodys tax dollars payed for anything because my husband and I did it all with no help.
That seems like a stereotype that needs to be let go, Young people have babies and it doesnt mean that they are stupid or that they are on welfare,
Good for the people that waited and did have a career before children but at the end of the day those children dont care how much you make and how big the house is they care about the love and having parents that love them more than anything in the world .
You cant make her change her mind only try to give her advice that will help her in this journey she is taking.
PLease just dont do this on your own, Speak to him and make sure he is in this boat with you. And read the good things and leave the bad =) good luck

I also want to add that it is important to me to be married, Even if you want till after baby as I did which I wish I had done different, It just seems to mean more when you are married and you know that those children have mommy and daddy and it shows them that marriage is special and that is important. Have you talked about getting married? I know people who have been together for years and are not married and it seems to work for them , To each their own I guess