Felling trapped

I feel like I'm in a box and there is no way out. I'm usually good at changing my moods but lately I feel very exhausted physically and emotionally. I also feel afraid of these head pains. I'm afraid of going blind, if I take the predisone I get vey ill and can't walk because of muscle atrophy. When this happens I feel trapped and afraid, because panic from childhood abuse sets in. I do not feel strong enough to protect myself incase something happens. Going blind terrifies me because I'm terrified of the dark, because of my past. If I did not have God when I get like this I'm not sure what I'd do.  I I'm greatful for my friend Cath on this site. I thank God for her. Being able to talk with someone who has similar medical issues has helped allot. On the plus side I would have never been able to meet Cath and become friends if I had not become ill.  I'm also grateful for my aunt. She has post polio syndrome , she knows what it is like to struggle physically because of pain and fatigue. This is what keeps me going.
Personal problems are becoming overwhelming lately. I can't change allot of them because I'm not well enough to work and make changes, and I hate this. This is why I feel like I'm in a box. Sometimes I get so frustrated and angry I just want to smash things but I never do. Maybe I'll get a plastic bat and hit a pillow? This use to work when I dealt with chilhood abuse issues.