Return to Profile page Friends |  Journals |  Notes |  Photos |  Posts |  Trackers
All Journal Entries Journals
 |  Del.icio.usYahoo BookmarksFacebookGoogle Bookmarks

Heartbroken

Aug 14, 2008 12:00AM - 2 comments

My Lady/ my faithful girl/ my constant companion/ my friend and my baby.  I am like the fly paper and she is like the fly stuck to my side for all of her years no matter what or how she feels.  I Love her so much, more than words could ever say!  

Now I have to worry about the possibility (though I don't want to) of lossing her too.  Too run with all of my other babies in heaven.   I can only hope that when my day comes I can cross Rainbows bridge to meet with them all.  My little angels.  

I want to believe the best but, I'm starting to wear.  God forgive me!  She still acts like a puppy.  Full of energy yet I fear the worst.  WHY CANT I HAVE THE FAITH!  I'm trying.  Maybe it's nothing.  Maybe it is.  I'VE BEEN PRAYING SO HARD AS I HAVE FOR MANY!  Maybe it's wisdom in which I'm trying to deny.  I'm guessing I'm trying to force myself into denial.  Or so I wonder why?

My grandmother means the WORLD to me!  She is 90 and not doing real well.  If only I could turn back the hands of time!  OR GIVE THEM ALL SOME OF MINE!  I WOULD!  I have 3 relatives dying now needing help from me and other family menbers in much turmoil in there life!  It's breaking my heart.  I can't be with them all and would love to be.

I feel like my strings are pulled some days as tight as can be!  Yet I keep pushing on doing what I can because I love them all!  I'm angry because it's never enough!!!  I guess I'm just saying this all because I am crushed.  

Though I've lost a lot of loved ones.  I've always been able to deal with things and not think of it as being stressed at all but, just doing what I have to do in life period!  Tonight I know it is stress for the first time in a long time so I took a 1/2 a loraxopan, first time in a year.  

Sorry if anyone reads this crazyness of mine.  I don't have a clue on where I'm even going with this.  I guess it's just another brick in the wall!  Just hurt and frustrated and angry inside.  I try so verrrry hard to make a difference yet everyone just dies.  My friends close to me are all now gone.  My relatives are all fading away 1 by 1 and I can't change it at all!  Grrrrrr.  

If anyone read this don't worry about me.   I'm stronger than most people could ever believe one could be.   I'm just hurting so deeply inside and frustrated I needed to get it off my chest by typing some down.  

Just Me.


Me967's Mood Tracker
Comments
Post a Comment
by Jules77733, Aug 15, 2008 01:49AM
Everyone's time comes, eventually...we just have to believe that we're given just enough time to do everything we're supposed to do while on earth. You only live once, but if you live right, once is enough. It always hurts to lose someone, but without the lows, we'd never realize the highs in life. And sometimes, it's the bad things that happen that remind of us how good our lives were, and still are. In the first three months of this year, I lost my grandfather (whom I was close to), my young Uncle (he left my Aunt and 4 children behind: 8yrs, 10 yrs, 14yrs, 17yrs), and a 23-year-old friend of mine (to cancer). Life's not always fair, so it seems, but there's a master plan for all of us...and we all go through ups and downs in life, so we're here for you and we can empathize.

Whatever may happen to your companion, she's lived a wonderful, long life--and neither you nor her could ask for more than that. Come what may, you will probably have a chance to make another animal's (probably more than just one) life wonderful...and it sounds like you would put just as much heart and soul into doing this as you did with Lady.

Still praying for Lady and happy to hear she's really active. Cheer up!!! Stress can be terrible for our bodies, and that's the last thing you need! :)

by SassieBritches, Aug 15, 2008 01:59AM
I am sorry you are hurting....................

Post a Comment
Post