I have not wrote in a long time..I think I have been alittle depressed since my diagnosis after my lumbar puncture. Idiopathic (which mean no idea of the origin) Intracranial (inthe brain) pressure(elevated pressure/excess fluid)...I think I had myself convinced that once they found what was wrong they would be able to fix it..all it did really was explain why I have such a huge amount of pain in my head, why my vision is going, and why I keep having the dizzyspells and falling. At least I dont feel like I am losing my mind trying to tell doctors that something is wrong and only getting the answer they dont understand why I am having these symptoms..the down fall is this is something that is life long they are saying. So now I have to cope with it and find a way to treat it that doesnt include my demon drug of oxy. To think this all started from me taking perscription meds that I was perscribed..Its unreal...But I do feel better knowing that they do not think I am crazy and there is a validated reason for the pain I suffer. Sometimes the pressure causes the pain to be so bad I am right in bed for the day..it *****..I have done alot of research on the disease they say I have and it does state the head pain is listed as the most sever head pain experienced so I know now why I have felt like **** for so long..lol Thats something at least..I was however feeling stuck for the last while as I was still needing to take the meds to rid actual pain..the dosage is way lower but its still being taken which I was doing a very good job at beating myself up over. But there is good news. I have managed to remove another pill out of it..so now I take two perks 10mg in the morning when I get up, another 10mg in the late afternoon and only one perk 5mg berfore bed..so have got down one more pill less than I was. It didnt seem like much then today I got in my email that I needed to update my tracker as I had kinda just left it and not done it in along time. Once I got looking at the tracker I can see alittle better the huge difference that I am actually at...200mg down to 35 is something I would say..thank god for this site and the reminder to do the tracker or I would prob not of actually seen it in black and white..I will try this for a few days and then do another drop. I am hoping to very quickly get to only one perk three times a day..15mg..with hopes that by then the doc can come up with another treatment that doesnt have the demon oxy in it and stopping completely from 15mg shouldnt be too bad I wouldnt think..Thank god to the saints above again that bring me to this site..It helps so much..I dont think I could make it without it or the people that are so wonderful on here giving constant encouragement to me..and always checking in and sendig me msg's when it starts to look like I dropped off the face of the earth. The love on this site is amazing, and the not being put down cuz of our issue of addiction is a good feeling. Knowing that people know we are actually fighting this which is not easy helps so much..
Well I will keep updating..its helpful and I had kinda fell away from it forgetting how much it really does help..Love to you all that are so helpful..its was beacause of your msg's that I got that brought me back home to this site that I think will remain a constant part of my life even when this battle is WON by me...which one day I know it will be..My tracker reminded me that today.....xoxo
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