My first,my baby, my broken dream,my angel... my Adia.

Adia, I'm empty since you left me...is all that keeps ringing in my head, morning, night, while I'm eating. My heart is broken and I wonder when I can get back to normal because this pain is unbearable. My questions no one can answer, why does this happen to women, mothers, first time dreamers? What did we, I do that was so wrong that I couldn't continue to be blessed with my little girl. I know that's not the way to look at it. Faith is supposed to heal all wounds... I'm supposed to keep this in mind when all I want to do is be selfish and be with her.

My dreams will just have to wait, the dreams my boyfriend made for her, her older sister, her grandparents,my sister, and sisterfriend we all have to wait another time. All the dreams and plans just ripped from my grasp and I sacrificed what I had to, my body, my life to keep my baby safe and still it wasn't meant to be. I had her taken too soon and now I'm lost. I don't know what I'm supposed to do next, I don't know where I'm supposed to go. I wonder if this empty, lonely, missing feeling is ever going to go away? I'm always going to have her with me and the few but lovely and cherished memories of my darling Adia.

I'm scared. I pray for the strength for the faith to continue because right now I just can't seem find the light of day. I have my James who hasn't left me for one second not even the 5 days following Adia. He stayed by my side just waiting for me to get better and I love him, I love him for everything that he is.  My family, his family and friends that haven't stopped being by myside. I thank them and love them, even to be so lucky with all this love I can't help but to feel lonely and empty. I pray that feeling will fade so that I can continue. She will always be my first, my baby, my dream, my angel... She is my Adia Harlow Gonzalez.