Responses including authors who've helped by eod 2-worth preserving

IBKleen
12/17/07
  Hi Hun and Welcome!
Youa re in the right place and you are not alone. Most of the folks here have, or are, going through exactly what you are.

So, you are off as of today? How long were on the ultrams???  



path91
12/17/07
i think you referring to the Thomas recipe. it tells you which amino acids, vitamins, OTC meds that can help with withdrawals. someone here has it on their profile. just give it a little time and someone will tell you. good luck and we're here for support if you need us.  



abadaddict525
12/17/07
  I think you are referring to the Thomas Recipe, I personally don't know much about it but alot of people here talk about it.

Sounds like you are doing pretty good already! Admitting and facing that there is a problem was a huge step.

WD is different for everyone, for me its day 7 and I am almost back to 100% but I do still take one or two Ultram a day to keep WD at bay. I also hope that by Wednesday I will be down to no Ultram a day!

Keep posting, keep reading posts, and good luck! You will start to feel better soon!  



steveewonder
12/17/07
JDRMinSD  hey there.  no sure how much help i'll be to you cuz my drug of choice is crack cocaine and i'm not familiar with quitting pills.  but i will say that addiction is addiction regardless of what one is addicted to.  your addiction speaks to you in the same way my addcition speaks to me -- no difference at all.  there are a lot of people here who i'm sure will give you more insight about what you're going through.  it takes a lot of willpower to overcome this nasty disease that we all have.  hang in there and keep posting.  in the meantime read jenny8575309 post titled "I AM YOUR DISEASE."  it took me a little closer to understanding what this disease is all about.  thanks jenny8575309.  good luck and i'll keep you in my prayers.  



JDRMinSD
12/17/07
  It's mostly been the Norcos for me, the ultrams were a recent addition and to be honest, I didn't notice much from them....so they felt "safe" but again, I know enough to know better.  Then there was the intermittant Fiorinal with Codeine which also sucked (but not at the time).  So it's probably been at least a year, maybe longer.  I had a REALLY crappy 2007, so it probably started during all that....I got a "divorce," my favorite dog died, I got in a car accident and one of my closest friends committed suicide.  So I've been seeing a therapist but never talked about the meds...I've been pretty highly functional, as everyone probably knows is easy to do.  Interestingly enough, the divorce is actually not yet finalized until hopefully tomorrow (the real estate market made it extend out WAY longer than I wish it had) and so there's emotion still there even though in many ways I've moved on...then there's the holidays, the ENORMOUS stress of my job and the anniversary of my dad's death this week, which always hurts no matter what...

not sure why I chose today at all...other than I'm just tired of all the BS...

Interestingly, I've noticed in the last 24 hours this weird chlorine smell from the water in my house.  No one else seems to have noticed.  That's been the first thing that made me think that maybe I really am living in some sort of fog...  



JDRMinSD
12/17/07
everybody  Thanks, the quick response makes me feel better already.  Hopefully I'll see about this "Thomas Recipe" soon...I appreciate the suppport and kind words...    



GoingToMakeIt
12/17/07
  Welcome to the forum. Good luck with the withdrawals. Look up Thomas recipe (on my profile) and there is some good info that will help you through this.
You are actually a winner if you quit. Losers don't try to quit.
Stay in touch here. Lots of people going thru what you are.  



IBKleen
12/17/07
  I don't agree with the valium, but this is a start. there are many more vitamins and supplements you can use. A lot of people have said that this works for them...


THOMAS RECIPE
If you can't take time off to detox, I recommend you follow a taper regimen using your drug of choice or suitable alternate -- the slower the taper, the better.

For the Recipe, You'll need:

1. Valium (or another benzodiazepine such as Klonopin, Librium, Ativan or Xanax). Of these, Valium and Klonopin are best suited for tapering since they come in tablet form. Librium is also an excellent detox benzo, but comes in capsules, making it hard to taper the dose. Ativan or Xanax should only be used if you can't get one of the others.

2. Imodium (over the counter, any drug or grocery store).

3. L-Tyrosine (500 mg caps) from the health food store.

4. Strong wide-spectrum mineral supplement with at least 100% RDA of Zinc, Phosphorus, Copper, Magnesium and Potassium (you may not find the potassium in the same supplement).

5. Vitamin B6 caps.

6. Access to hot baths or a Jacuzzi (or hot showers if that's all that's available).

How to use the recipe:

Start the vitamin/mineral supplement right away (or the first day you can keep it down), preferably with food. Potassium early in the detox is important to help relieve RLS (Restless Leg Syndrome). Bananas are a good source of potassium if you can't find a supplement for it.

Begin your detox with regular doses of Valium (or alternate benzo). Start with a dose high enough to produce sleep. Before you use any benzo, make sure you're aware of how often it can be safely taken. Different benzos have different dosing schedules. Taper your Valium dosage down after each day. The goal is to get through day 4, after which the worst WD symptoms will subside. You shouldn't need the Valium after day 4 or 5.

During detox, hit the hot bath or Jacuzzi as often as you need to for muscle aches. Don't underestimate the effectiveness of hot soaks. Spend the entire time, if necessary, in a hot bath. This simple method will alleviate what is for many the worst opiate WD symptom.

Use the Imodium aggressively to stop the runs. Take as much as you need, as often as you need it. Don't take it, however, if you don't need it.

At the end of the fourth day, you should be waking up from the Valium and experiencing the beginnings of the opiate WD malaise. Upon rising (empty stomach), take the L-Tyrosine. Try 2000 mgs, and scale up or down, depending on how you feel. You can take up to 4,000 mgs. Take the L-Tyrosine with B6 to help absorption. Wait about one hour before eating breakfast. The L-Tyrosine will give you a surge of physical and mental energy that will help counteract the malaise. You may continue to take it each morning for as long as it helps. If you find it gives you the "coffee jitters," consider lowering the dosage or discontinuing it altogether. Occasionally, L-Tyrosine can cause the runs. Unlike the runs from opiate WD, however, this effect of L-Tyrosine is mild and normally does not return after the first hour. Lowering the dosage may help.

Continue to take the vitamin/mineral supplement with breakfast.

As soon as you can force yourself to, get some mild exercise such as walking, cycling, swimming, etc. This will be hard at first, but will make you feel considerably better.



JDRMinSD
12/17/07
IBKleen & others  Thanks...very interesting.  I have plenty of valium and did use it last night for sleep, so did ok overnight.  (I don't really like valium, never makes me feel high, only REALLY tired)  This morning the runs reappeared and I have something for that too.  I like the idea of a hot soak, so just waiting for the significant other to get to work and then am thinking about either exercise (I used to be a total exercise freak, daily for 1-2 hours and haven't been in about a year.....hrmmmm) and/or a hot soak.  Got a tub here, a jacquizzi down the street (the couple of block walk might do me some good too).  I'm f-in trying REALLY HARD right now and I have to say, having you all to talk to is REALLY helpful.  Thanks guys (I'm glad you can't see me tearing up right now but I really do appreciate it...)  




IBKleen
12/17/07
  My shirt is soaked form the tears--but it is ok--I have big shoulders. (Trying to make you smile). This is a great place for support--the folks here got me through some rough times. Keep coming back....  



JDRMinSD
12/17/07
ibkleen  Thanks buddy.  You did make me smile.  I'm gonna try to go get some of the vitamins and stuff...definitely don't feel like eating...  



carr
12/17/07
  glad to see you come to your sense's...a step in the right direction for sure....i just had to throw my two cents in worth and say....HELLLL YAAAAAA YOUUUU CANNN DOOO THISSSSS!!!!!...we have your back on this....u are deffo not alone......keep on keeping on ......take care and stay strong......



carrie  
Savas
12/17/07
We should all take up writing country music on here. Between us all we'd keep Dolly Parton and her ilk in said lyrics for decades to come. :)

Day four Is usually better, but be prepared for the phenomena that when you are sitting doing nothing, you feel basically okay. going out, doing stuff, however, could give you the shakes, make you weak and dizzy, etc. If you do go out, plan ahead so you can take it VERY easy. You'll find you have very little energy reserve. Be careful if you drive, poor attention span from being drained and all that.  



bowyerlori
12/17/07
IBKLeen  I have been reading all the posts and what a wonderful support group here. I am on day one of trying to get off of percocets. mI take 10 pills a day or more for back pqain and want off so bad! Help! The thomas recipe looks okay but i doubt my doc will even give me valium. I was honest with her and she just took me right off, no weaning, nothing, and I feel awful!  



JDRMinSD
12/17/07
bowyerlori  I know how you feel, I feel the SAME WAY RIGHT NOW.  At least you and I are on day 1 together.  I'm about to go take a VERY long hot bath, then come back and check back in here.  Since everyone has said it works great, maybe you should try it too.  
I'm right here with ya!



JDRMinSD
12/17/07
  Ok, so to no one other than anyone who might be reading...now...or in the future....the whole hot bath thing REALLY works!  I'm feeling a lot better, although a little tired, so gonna go lay down.  But it really did make a difference!  Thanks, everyone who recommended it.  



IBKleen
12/17/07
Sleep in there if you have to!! It really does work. Glad you feel good enough to lay down.  



SotiredIcantsleep
12/17/07
Hot baths man, candels and mellow music (Iron and Wine) really got me through the first few days.  My worst symptoms were on day 2-3, but don't give in even though you feel like its the only thing you can do.  You will feel better soon, I just kept thinking to myself "every moment of anguish is another moment closer my brain is to supplying itself with my drugs"  The more pain you feel the better in my opinion, it will really make you appreciate day 4 when even though you still feel a little low you are high as a kite compared to the few days before.  Stick with it man, it comes and goes after a while I'm day 14 off oxys and day 7 cold turkey off trams, it will get much much better, I promise.  



JDRMinSD
12/17/07
all  Thanks everyone.  Since no one here knows, it's nice to have you guys helping me through the crappy feelings.  It's really inspirational, seriously...  



JDRMinSD
12/17/07
I don't want to create a blog here or anything, since, on one hand I hope no one ever figures out who I am but on the other, I figure I have to talk to someone and no one in my house has any idea of how I feel or why ("stomach flu").  So, here I sit, crying my eyes out trying to understand what's going on with me and unable to, so I'll just write it out.  

The posts above help me a ton
"You are actually a winner if you quit. Losers don't try to quit." and
"HELLLL YAAAAAA YOUUUU CANNN DOOO THISSSSS!!!!!...we have your back on this....u are deffo not alone......keep on keeping on ......take care and stay strong"

So I guess I just want to say thanks...cuz it's good to know that I'm not as alone as I feel right now...



udoschoices
12/17/07
all  well, i just had a long email i tried to post, but hit the wrong key and it got deleted... so i'm not up to retyping...   i'm in the same boat, about to cold-turkey from lortab/soma starting tomorrow. I have 3 xanax bars to help with the anxiety, not sure what to expect. I havent been taking the "cocktail" too long, a few weeks... but i know its gonna suck.

some music i just purchased that i find very inspirational: The Blind Boys of Alabama - some old black gospel singers that are blind that sing acapella and very uplifting songs, that i'm going to listen to repetitively instead of my usual rock/rap.

i'm in the same boat of the rest of you guys, and as normal as they come - executive that owns 2 software companies, 22 month old daughter, got on the pills to deal with stress from my business and bill collectors,and its SO easy to get ridiculous prescriptions in Houston (120 norco/lortabs, 120 somas/ 60 xanax - EACH month, with a BS story of how you are in pain - although i do have back problems and was recommended surgery).

so i'm here for you, if you're here for me!!! i'm a bit nervous of the next few days/week - but i HAVE to get clean for myself and my little daughter. So stick with it, buy the Blind Boys, and i know we can all do it.  

F'ing pharma companies and pain clinics are such a scam and for people with addictive personalities, its hard...  but admitting it and dealing with it is the first step.  



JDRMinSD
12/17/07
udoschoices  Welcome udo.  I'm gonna go look up the music and don't worry,,,,I'm here for you too.  I actually did it all day today!  Day #1 without any pills.  On the one hand, that sounds so limited and on the other, I'm super proud of it.  I don't feel that great but I'm still here....

Trying to figure out if I can/should go to work tomorrow....you and I are very similar, at least in terms of the normal part.  If I can do it....you can to.    



udoschoices
12/17/07
JDR  well, back like 20 years ago, i went to rehab when i was much younger for cocaine, exstacy, and all other BS.. (which i have not touched, by the way) - and like all the programs say, one day at a time. I think its great that you did, andi dont have much of a choice myself since i dont have any. (asides from the xanax, which i'm sorta cheating with but just for the anxiety and sleeplessness).  

I have to work hard this whole week, so i hope i can do it without going off on my customers or employees!  But i think it is a mind thing... and personally, this is not a 7 year habit or anything.. just sort of snuck up on me the last month or 2

yes, really check out the Blind Boys of Alabama - i know it sounds weird, but you will love it when you hear it. Really talented guys, talking about being down and digging yourself up. Look it up on Amazon, i cant remember which ones i bought, but i got 2 and their lyrics really speak to me.  



JDRMinSD
12/17/07
udo  Wow.  I tried all those but never had a problem with anything else and haven't done any of them in at least a decade.  Not sure why this one was so different but I think you're right in a way....it's in the mind.  I'm pretty sure it's the stress that put me here...so that's the other thing I need to find a way to deal with.  At least you own your own companies, that makes it harder in a lot of ways and easier in some.  I don't have that much flexibility--so next I need to find a way around all the stress of the job without turning to daddy's little helper.  



udoschoices
12/17/07
jdr  trust me, owning the companies is WAY harder than working for one. Because ALL of the stress is on you, responsibility to employees, investors, customers, yourself, etc...   so not especially "lucky" when i have to get myself off these pillls. The crazy thing is, when i was on them, i was super-motivated and willing to call customers and put up with their BS - but that is a short-term fix and not really "me", plus that chemical taste in my mouth and feeling of lack of control is just something i can't deal with anymore. It is the stress 100% - i can vouch for that. Plus i have had to deal with a split-up with my daughter's mother, not seeing my angel daughter every day who i love so much, etc....    So yeah, we're in the same boat on the stress thing.  I used to do Yoga back in San Francisco when i lived there, and there is a place down the street that has it - so i may go back to that (mind you, i'm 6'1, 235lb guy who used to be 190 before the business and the kid!).  

the pills are a short-term fix, but as we both know - bad news long term.  Whats crazy is that its easier for me to say "heck no" to the hard drugs than the ones that come in the pill bottle.. and the hard drugs give a hell of a rush.. but i WONT go down that road again. So you have to associate in your mind that the negatives of this outweigh the short-term positives (which, as i have found, get shorter and shorter and you have to take more and more pills).... so time to get off of them.

nice talking to you, i start my day one cold-turkey tomorrow and have to deal with 2 customers, and a product demo on Wed - so wish me luck!!!!  



JDRMinSD
12/17/07
udo  I know, I certainly think there's plenty of stress to go around these days.  I won't bore you with the details of what I do but trust me, you're not alone with these pills and you're not alone with the stress.  I'm really sorry about your split up, as you may have seen above, I had one of those last yr, minus the child.  I can't even imagine how much worse that much make it.  

Prior to all that and all this, I was as cut and in-shape as any college kid (and I've been outta college for a LONG TIME now) until these things hit me about a year ago, now I'm a big fatty and so I've gotta get back to that.  Yoga was part of that, so maybe I'll try that again too.  

I know what you mean, the pills did somehow make it all seem easier...all of it....but as you said, it's a short term fix and you're right, it does get shorter and shorter and you need more and more...

I'm feeling pretty good right now.  So GOOD LUCK.  

It's been nice talking to you too. I'll probably be checking in here for a while, it's really helped me today and I'm not so naive as to think that it's gonna be all better tomorrow, so keep in touch...I'm with you buddy.  You're gonna do it.  Hey, I made it through day one, so you will too!



udoschoices
12/18/07
jdr  just jumping on real quick.. a bit shaky and wacky today, but all is good so far. i think the fact that i did not have any of the pills available made me not wake up early anticipating taking my "dose" and the corresponding rush. I actually slept in until 9 as opposed to 6-6:30 lately when i would look forward to my morning "cocktail". Weird the way the mind is...

anyway, here are the Blind Boys of Alabama albums i'm listening to:  Spirit of the Century, and Higher Ground.  Really good stuff, trust me. Find myself rewinding and singing along, and i'm not very religious per-se (although brought up that way) -just the messages these guys sing and the way the sing it give you goosebumps "everything is gonna be OK, just got to make it... another day".  These guys have been singing acapella gospel since 1939 and a lot of modern-day artists have recorded with them (Ben Harper, Tom Waits, Rolling Stones, etc...)

Seems to be keeping me in a toe-tapping positive mood at least.

good luck...  



JDRMinSD
12/18/07
udo  Hey yea, I found and got some of their stuff on line...a lot of their highlighted stuff in Holiday music but I found some others.  Glad you are feeling well.  I'm still here, day #2--really does feel better than day #1, even though my partner has no clue why I'm such a whiner with my "flu" (whatever happened to taking care of your man?  

Good luck, I'll keep thinking of ya all day...  



oconnor
12/18/07
JR  Today is my 3rd day and I'm feeling terrible - have all the w/d symptoms - I am going to be okay and so are you!!!  It's okay to go through it - you need to go through it - we all need to go through it - we got ourselves into this position and it's our responsiblity to get ourselves out of this position.  From what I've read in these forums we have 5 days of hell - okay 5 days of hell is worth every minute to enjoy the rest of our lives without the hell we've been living - Things could be worse than 5 days right?
hang in there and I promise you'll be better with each passing day - just keep saying:  this too shall pass!!!!  



udoschoices
12/18/07
all  and the funny thing is Xmas is right around the corner and we're all stressing out...  holiday cheer! fun! family!  lol.  Probably a good thing to get it over this week before the holidays..  then we can gorge on fruitcakes and holiday punch!  

oh joy, i get to go do my demo/ walk-through with one of my problem customers right now. online software demo, but at least its not in the middle of day 3! otherwise i might bite his head off!  



JDRMinSD
12/18/07
oconner  Thanks buddy-
Gotta say, it's MUCH better to be able to talk with someone else who's right here with me.  I'm sorry you're feeling so badly, have you tried any of the stuff above?  I'm on some of them, not all.  I don't want valium during the day to knock me out but have used it to sleep at night which has made a big difference.  I'm trying to eat right (bananas, yogurt), taking an MVI with the minerals, some fish oil (can't hurt!) and some ibuprofen only if I just can't take the body or headaches (2 yesterday), so overall, I do feel better than yesterday.

But I agree, we gotta go through it....and 5 days will still leave us a couple of days before Christmas feeling free....looking forward to that.  

Keep posting, if not for you, for me, it's really helpful and makes me feel a lot better.

Thanks  



udoschoices
12/18/07
  ok, well this may sound hypocrytical - but i did take a .25 bar of xanax a few mins ago just to be able to deal with a little jitteriness and nervousness about dealing with this customer. i sort of went off on him the other day when i was flying on hydro/soma and just didn't give a f%^k and he pushed me over the edge.. so now i get to do the demo sober... oh well... its all good.

stay with it..  i'm in the same boat.  



JDRMinSD
12/18/07
udo  at least it was xanax and not the hydro/norco.  if you start with the hydro and can let the xanax go a few days later, then you'll be free of both and it's gotta be hard to be at work while feeling this way!  



udoschoices
12/18/07
  thats the idea, and actually - never really had a problem with the xanax... i got bored of them after a while in the past and gave away most of them.. i just saved a couple to come down off the hydro/somas...

so in theory, i'm weaning down on the xanax, and cold turkey on the others. but like i said, never really had a fixation for xanax.  



anotherfinemess1
12/18/07
udoschoices  I would say just be careful with the Xanax.  I once had unlimited access to Vicodin (partner with terminal illness) and I never thought about dipping into those.  Then, 2 years later, when they were no longer available and I had to risk my job and my dignity to get them, I was hooked (after having a minor surgery).  Just sayin'  you can't flirt with these things when you have a tendency toward addiction.  Be careful!  



Imtired
12/18/07
JDRM  I wish I would have read yours and all the other post on this thread just hours ago. I gave in again to"Just this time so I can get the house cleaned up" or "just one so I can get through".  I get SO close sometimes to stopping.  I'll wait 15 16 hours.  To me that's an accomplishment in itself.  I hope you don't mind me watching and reading this thread.  It's really an inspiration seeing how I'm not in the same work situation right now because of the holidays and I really could get this over with NOW instead of barganing with myself day in and day out.  
Thanks for writing, listening, reading.    



JDRMinSD
12/18/07
imtired  Hey, you're so NOT alone.  So, that was your LAST one (if you are ready for it to be).  If that means for you flushing them, do it.  If it means putting them far enough away that you can stop yourself on the way and find something else to do, that's ok.  

Think about it as if you're stopping with me and oconner and udo up there.  The four of us will do it together!  

I've pushed the work window because I can but if you have the chance, buddy, do it now, you'll be free from most of the symptoms (if what I've read on here is right) in 3-5 days--before Christmas!  You could wake up Christmas morning drug free.  The best gift you'll give or get all season.

I'm here and if I can do anything for you, please let me know.  You'll do it, you CAN and you WILL!
Good Luck  



udoschoices
12/18/07
all  yeah, i know about the xanax... trust me. but believe it or not, i actually get bored with the benzos and have never had an issue with them. valium, xanax.. i'd take for a few days and get whacked out and then stop. so not really my issue. but i do appreciate it. i'm just using a small, moderated dose to get over the anxiety and shakiness of the hydro/soma withdrawal.

but i appreciate your feedback...  point taken.

And just so you know, JDR - my demo/problem customer wasnt so bad after all.. so all this drugging up to escape/manage stress turned out to not be so bad after all. guess thats what life is about, dealing with ups and downs and not just medicating to escape them...

i feel a lot better now, as this guy was really testing my patience as of late and part of the reason for my self-medicating (stressful!)

see, things can be done guys/gals without the meds.  ok, time for a margarita!  (lol - just kidding).

the strange thing is, and i guess this is addiction - is that i NEVER had a problem with alchohol. when i was younger, instead of drinking- i discovered ecxtasy (from Houston, where it basically started in the 80s) - so we would pop a pill or two and get off instead of drinking a six-pack and then feeling crappy, sick, hungover.  So i know "addiction is addiction" - but when i was in rehab 20 years ago (wow, that long??) - i used to go to AA meetings and have to say "hi, i'm an alchoholic" when i never had that problem. Now, at the Cocaine anon and Narc-anon meetings, no argument there!

like i ranted about earlier, the pharma companies and shady doctors are really to blame for this. I got my pills in houston, where it is frickin ridiculously easy to walk in and walk out with 120 norco/120 soma/60 xanax after a 15 min evaluation. Waiting room FULL of people, cash only business. Fricking scam central. Not that we shouldnt be taking personal responsibility (which i do) - but it should NOT be that easy. "pain management" is a crock. more like "get you addicted" so the pharmas and docs collect their monthly $$ while we suffer. But once again, i take full responsibility for what i do /don't do.  



JDRMinSD
12/18/07
Ok buddy-
So the best thing you said was, that in the end, the whole customer thing wasn't even that stressful, a lesson for you AND for me--so thanks cuz I gotta head back to work tomorrow and the stress is gonna hit me in the face like a F**kin train (2 days off AFTER a weekend--I'll estimate 500 IMPORTANT emails in my box and meetings all F-in day) but I feel a lot better hearing you say that.  

Does it sound stupid to say the day literally seems brighter to me today (but I digress).

For docs it just easier to give out the meds, than take an interest in the patient and those docs do that sh*t need to be stopped and can be, that's what state medical boards do.  No one wants to be a rat but if the doc is so out of control that the whole "do no harm" thing is a joke, then maybe you could be saving countless others for the pain that many on this site are experiencing.  Not endorsing any actions one way or another, just saying...

I've never been to rehab and have never had a problem with ANY other drug, Alcohol, coke, X, G, etc (and yea, it was 20 yrs ago for me too--damn time flies by WAY too fast).  Tried them all, then stopped and never cared, that's why (I think) this caught me off guard.

I'm happy to be going through this with you and the others on this site.  I don't know about you, but it's making it a lot easier for me.

Thanks for keeping on posting and reading...and I'm still here for you, today's your first opiate-free day and you're doing good so far!  



udoschoices
12/18/07
yeah, like i told you... the company thing is stressful. but i also sent an email out to all my employees stating i am unavailable until the end of the year starting this Fri. so de-stressing after de-toxing will be good for me i'm sure!

yes, i know all about the gazillion emails and "its so important" messages. nothing is that important i learned, but people freak out about everything and i think that got to me... after getting off this stuff i'm getting back in shape, spending time with my baby girl - and just chilling out on life. i think i let it get to me too much. then again, this constant gospel music i'm listening too is probably just working! lol.

on a side note... i know quite a bit about the docs.. my father is a doctor and i sell software to them. (hence the problem customer) - they dont train them to heal the underlying issue, just the symptoms. failure of modern medicine if you ask me.

i may be offline for a while, but still here.. going to see my daughter tonight and put her to bed, then back home to the computer.. so hang in there everybody...



Calzy
12/18/07
  I'm glad for all of you here trying to work thru your struggles with the meds. You are all doing great and all sound upbeat because i know how hard it is to get thru. This is a great place to come for help, no one knows who you are but will help you all the way thru so keep fighting and keep swinging until you cant swing anymore and others will swing for you until you can swing again. "Imtired", tell yourself today is the best day to quit or tomorrow will be another day of unhappy use. Stress is such a big factor in drug abuse and was my down fall about 13 yrs ago. I have been clean for 4 mos now and feel so much better but still working my recovery. I have been in addiction for 39 yrs starting at age 15 using to much street drugs and got a second chance at 27, joining the Navy and leaving clean and than getting married, 4 kids, & great job. Than stress entered in big time and fell victim to pain meds, but thought these are FDA approved drugs and got them from the dr so these will be safe, (but in the back of my mind i knew better). I to was active in sports into late 40's but the meds were stronger than me and ate me away. Went from 6' foot, 220lbs to 145lbs over the yrs, ruined my marriage, just lost my job of 15yrs a few mo's ago, and still have children to feed at home, BUT i am clean now and i may not save my marriage or get my job back but i can improve my health, be a better person to my love ones again and find another job to continue to provide for them. I said all this, and i am not trying to steal anyone's thunder here with my story, to say it's never to late to start over, no matter how bad the addiction is, and it's worth every min. of pain getting clean to get control of your life again. I'll keep my fingers and eyeballs crossed for your recovery.  



JDRMinSD
12/18/07
udo and others  You're right about the docs udo, believe me I know too.  This disease is a symptom of a larger societal disease.  Every post on here seems to point to the stress and how that affects people's lives and how it starts this stuff.  

I've just figured out not too long ago that NONE of the Oh So Important stuff is actually important, we just get so caught up in it all, we lose perspective--if someone can help me figure out how to always keep that perspective (I can't keep my ipod in my head 24/7 udo), then please let me know.

Calzy-thanks for the inspirational words and for keeping your crossed eyeballs :) on us, seriously, I really appreciate it.  I can't believe how much this site has helped me in the last 36 hours...

Keep in touch, all....have fun with your daughter tonite udo, you're lucky to have a flesh and blood beautiful inspiration to turn to...I wish I did and I'm seriously happy that you do, I can only see how that would help.



Imtired
12/18/07
JDRM  Sounds like we've got a deal.  I hope I can have as optomistic attitude as the rest of you.  



JDRMinSD
12/18/07
imtired  I wasn't so optomistic yesterday...but the folks on here were and it helped a ton.  Today, I am.  This place has a lot to offer.

Felt a little "cravy" a little while ago so took the dog for a walk outside, a little cold but it woke me up and it really does seem clearer (I know, I know, that sounds SO f-in lame but it's true)

Then came in for another hot soak (my new addiction?) and feel seriously GREAT right now.

I'm only one little day ahead of you...you can do it too...



udoschoices
12/18/07
arghh... now i'm feeling it... irritable, headache, flu-like.. already. spent time with my little girl, which was great "Daie! - toys!" "thanks, Daie"... but man, hard to keep up with her. my head is pounding now and i'm starting to feel the physical effects of w/d day one. my earlier euphoria over getting past a stressful situation is now morphing to the cold realities of my body fighting me

but i am not giving up hope, and not really craving anything -just feel like a$$... think i'm going to take one of those hot soaks, i have a huge tub i actually fit in so should be nice...  i[m really fatigued and tired too, which i would prefer to insomia i guess....



Calzy
12/18/07
udo  It doesnt take long for opietes to get into you system and brain and even short term use comes with some w/d's but yours should not last as long as a time user, I hope!!  Lortab was my DOC and it sure is a booger to beat. Your work schedule dictates you to get well soon so you should be fine in the next day or two. You may get the mental cravings a bit after the physical part leaves so be ready for the little voices saying one more wont hurt. Hope you can sleep tonite, you said you had some xanax so that should help. After the w/d's leave you, try some melatonin for sleep. I use xanax for 5 yrs or so, didnt abuse them either, but got off them want my dr drop me so it's not in my system when i look for a job. Melatonin works now as well for me as the xanax did for general stress. Get some rest and take care pal.  



JDRMinSD
12/18/07
udo
I'm hearing you buddy and here if you need to talk  



udoschoices
12/18/07
thanks calzy and jdr... headed for the soak. not much of an appetite either...  i have a bottle of melatonin and i am a believer too, didnt know it could be used for stress, i usually used it just for sleep.. maybe i can use that to battle the insomnia after i use up my few xanax... always got anxiety and sleeplessness after a xanax bender..  good to know melatonin works as well

thanks.. i appreciate the encouragement.  



JDRMinSD
12/18/07
anyone  Ok, so since half of this site seems to be talking it out...and again, at the risk of this becoming a blog...

I just had a very interesting experience.  As those of you who've read all along know, I've decided to do this alone.  I don't condone this in any way as I think any one knows, it's gotta be easier with help from family and/or friends so I'd recommend that you all use all the support you can find.  That is:  please do whatever you need to do, this is my choice only.

However, for a variety of reasons, I'm doing this alone...

So, at the same time as last night (for me, it's around dinnertime), I got very emotional (apparently common as you'll find on other threads here) but tonight it was in response to my partner getting mad that I'm being all lazy with my "stupid illness," so I hoped in the car to go buy the requested item from the store...

And in the car, one of my favorite songs came on and I started bawling like a little baby (again--I'm really not that emotional--no really).  This time I was thinking about my dad's dying, my friend's suicide last year, my divorce, etc.  So, first thing:  valid emotions that I seem to have supressed (or "dealt with" by using the drugs) came flying up to the surface violently.  So, it seems that I've been NOT handled, nor am I handling all the sh*t in my life as well as I'd like to think (one of the reasons I started?).

Secondly, and more importantly, I found myself, for the first time since I can remember (it's been years, kids--and here's where it goes off the deep end, so my apologies to anyone this may offend) I found myself accessing some part of my being I hadn't felt in--forever.  That place gave me strength.  A strength I hadn't felt in a LONG time.  As I sat there crying my fool eyes out, I got a boost from somewhere WAY deep inside ME and all of a sudden, it was ok.  The crying was ok, the sadness about my friend's suicide was ok, the divorce, albeit sad, was ok, the fact that work is WAY too stressful was even ok (although that part's gonna change).  I felt like the norcos had stopped me from feeling "myself" for a while and all of a sudden that part of me was back.  

I know, I know, it sounds completely wacky and I don't blame all of you who stopped reading a while ago but it's real and it feels WAY better than those stupid pills EVER did.  

At this point I don't care if I **** out my a** forever, I'd rather do that, than get back into the cloud again!

Anyone still reading and wondering if you can do it, you CAN.
Still wondering if you'll feel better, you WILL

Thanks everyone for reading, writing and being there.

Still here, day #2 (48 hours off) and going stronger than EVER!