day 19

Today was..

Pretty good..had to control the panic urges as usual and fight for concentration but I was not fired and thrown on to the street yet. Although I have a constant fear of being fired and I do think my production is falling...You see I am the sole support of my family which you may think is wrong but I don't think soo my spouse stays home with our child and both him and my child have been happier since and I know who is raising my child and i don't have a constant fear of what he is being taught anymore..financially it is a bit scary but we are doin fine soo far as long as I don't get fired..and I figure out our debts soon before they start garnishing my wages...I have a plan which I am putting in action ..basically the in charge solution (credit consoling), im just trying to get all the info together..and i basically have to take a fricken day off to call them since there not open passed  5pm how dumb is that...

I am going to the clinic tomorrow and i am pretty nervous but it will be good to have it over and done with..I constantly worry about it..I am a fearful of the whole stress and humiliation but its better then dying from cancer from not getting checked...

I hate how making friends is soo hard..its seems like such a long process..well I have to force myself to talk and socialize and visit ..Just because i get soo stressed and anxious about it..it seems like everyone else has friends or just doesn't really want to be mine...and you know I really don't show my negative side to anyone soo I am not sure why..any way thats my deep thoughts for the day..;p