So this week Thursday Jadyn will be one month old.  It's a bittersweet time for me.  I have been sitting around the house thinking about where the time has gone.  I don't necessarily think it went by fast, I am actually starting to like the idea of going back to work (does that seem wrong?) I just feel exhausted, I know it wont get better once I go back but at least my days wont drag by like they do now.  My parents and sisters are gone by 8 every morning and I sit home with Jadyn until 2:30 when my dad gets home, alone.  Well he gets home and does stuff outside until about 5.  So I sit inside alone until my sister gets home from school at 3:30 and then the other around 4.  I love taking care of him and just watching all the things he does, but I get so lonely sitting home all day cleaning, doing laundry, watching tv... but anyway! So Jadyn is growing! and its really apparant to me.  I stopped breastfeeding about 4 days ago because he was just eating way too much.  I was sore and not making enough for him so that would cause him not to sleep as well and then he would be up an hour later again eating.. so i was feeding him every hour.  and I was just too exhausted to keep doing it.  We switched him to Goodstart because that's what they used to supplement in the hospital and he got a really bad stomach ache from it.  So we started using the soy goodstart and he seems to like that better.  Doesn't upset his stomach as much.  He has been having a stuffy nose and a little bit of a cough for about 2 days now so I have been sucking his nose out alot, it seems to be helping with his cough, I think that his nose was draining and he was kind of choking on it and it would make him cough.. So last night his nose was pretty bad so he didn't sleep well.. I was up with him every hour until 4am and then he decided to sleep until 7:30, Thank God.  He woke up at 7:30 and I changed and fed him and then my mom took him from 8 until 9:30 so I could get a little bit of sleep before she left for work. (I love when her boss lets her come in late! lol) The sleep part has been the hardest thing to adjust to.  Im used to sleeping whenever I want, and nope.. thats not happening anymore.

As far as his "developmental stages" He can lift his head and look around, He LOVES my dad and my best friends brother.. lol weird I know.. but he does.  When you talk he will just sit really calmly and stare at you.  It's really cute.  He gets crabby if he has to be on his back for too long.  and he LOVES laying on his stomach. (Don't worry I only do it when Im watching him.) He likes to eat.. alot lol  He smiles and laughs in his sleep all the time and it always makes me wonder what he's dreaming about.  He whimpers and coo's in his sleep too.. I can't wait for the first time he smiles at me or reaches for me to be held.  When he is crying all I have to do is pick him up and talk to him and he calms right down.  My sisters always get mad because when they hold him he will cry and then the second I take him he stops lol.  But I like it that way, it makes me feel useful and happy that he knows Im his mommy.

This is a vent.. If you want to read go for it... but its probably going to be long and dragged out.. Just a warning.

So my sister Stephanie is 16.  She is 3 years younger than me, but bigger than me.. shes about 5 inches taller and probably weighs about 15 pounds more than me (before I got pregnant.)  Well her and I have always had a REALLY close bond (Since we both became "teenagers" anyway..) pretty much since i was 16 and she was 13.  She used to cover for me whenever I would do something wrong (like most teenagers) or when my parents would yell at me she would stick up for me.. Well I have always been a "mommy's girl." My mom and I have always been SUPER close and I have had almost a nonexistant relationship with my dad because when we were younger he used to spank us and sometimes he would get a little out of hand with the "physical" end of things.  (I wont go any further, but when he was working at his old job he had a really bad temper because his job was really stressful and I always seemed to be the one who "set him off")

Well Stephanie, on the other hand figured out how to push my dad's buttons and how to sweet talk him (he is the main disciplinary in our house and pretty much makes all the rules, although normally BOTH parents will agree on discipline and rules, there is an exception for Stephanie.) Basically, I grew up getting all the punishments from my dad. (I think kind of his way of having control over me because him and I never really had a good relationship and I think he was (and still is) jealous of mine and my moms really close bond.) So I would come home 10 minutes late from the movies and I would get my car taken away for a week.  (Stephanie comes home an hour late and my dad tells her she needs to come home on time.) I got caught smoking cigarettes by one of my friends moms and my dad shows up to wrestling practice (I was a manager) and hauls me out by my hand, and takes me to the clinic to get a drug test! "because if im smoking cigarettes who knows what other drugs im doing" (Stephanie gets caught smoking cigarettes IN HER ROOM (no one smokes in my house) and my dad takes her cigarettes away and tells her that she can't smoke.)

Travis and I started dating when I was 16.. In the beginning things were really good between us.  We really loved eachother.  He would come over to my house and we would watch movies together.  (my dad would insist that the door stayed open and that we didn't both lay on my bed.) so most of the time this resulted in us laying on the floor in our open living room watching movies as my 2 youngest sisters ran around and annoyed the sh!t out of us.  
Stephanie and Cody started dating when Stephanie was 15.  She has him over to our house all the time.. They watch movies together IN HER ROOM, WITH THE DOOR CLOSED, IN HER BED... Anyway.. I think you can all understand the clear difference in discipline now.. My sister pretty much gets whatever the hell she wants and I was treated like I was in a Nazi concentration camp.

Well Stephanie has gotten so used to getting everything she wants that she actually THROWS TEMPUR TANTRUMS if she doesn't get her way.. She mopes around the house crying and trying to make everyone feel bad for her and then when that doesn't work storms off to her room, slams the door, and doesn't talk to anyone..
She always seems to compare me and her and try to act like she is so much better than me because she hasn't gotten pregnant yet, and her boyfriend is SO MUCH BETTER than Travis (when actually her and Cody's relationship is almost an EXACT replica of mine and Travis's when we were 16.) She talks about how she will "never get pregnant as a teenager" (when all the times I got pregnant I was using protection of some sort, NOT being irresposible.)
and how I "let travis walk all over me" (when I have been struggling with trying to balance not talking to him as much as possible and trying to keep him informed of things about his son.)  Basically ever since I have gotten pregnant she has acted like Im nothing.. She has pretty much treated me like sh!t and doesn't stand up for me when her a**hole of a boyfriend talks **** about me, when I have been the one trying to cheer her up because Cody is out hanging out with another girl.. or Cody wont let her go to a graduation party WITH ME because he thinks she's gonna do something wrong.. He is SO controlling.  She does EVERYTHING for him.. She bought him Packer tickets AND a PSP for his birthday because he was complaining.. She has been saving up FOREVER to buy him those things.

Well after all the sh!t she has been putting me through lately, acting like she is so much better than me and everything she actually texted me and asked me not to tell on her if Cody spends the night at our house tonight (our parents are out of town.) I dont even know WHY she would expect me to be nice to her after the way she has treated me the past few months.. EVERYTIME her and I get in an argument she brings up me being pregnant as if its the worst thing in the world.. (she just did this a few nights ago. and tried saying again tonight after I told her that I would tell my parents if he stayed at our house she said "Im glad I will never be in the situation you are in") and I was like "What are you saying?? that I should have gotten an abortion? If you feel that way then you dont even need to be around Jadyn because all you have been doing is talking sh!t my entire pregnancy and Im REALLY sick of it" and then she tries to go into "oh no i didn't mean that.. blah blah blah."

Anyways.. She thinks and acts like she is so much better than me and acts like she bends over backwards for me, when really IM the one who has always done stuff for her.. Drove her to school, picked her up when she was sick, took her to the doctors.. drove her friends around.. EVERYTHING and now she is treating me like Im scum and expects me to do something nice for her?? maybe its just my hormones lately but why in the world should I be nice to her?? Her boyfriend is a ***** and talks sh!t about me all the time and she can't even stand up to him.. for her OWN SISTER.. ugh Im so frusterated.

Had my growth follow up today.. Baby is measuring in the 24th or 23rd percentile (cant remember) doctor will induce me after my next ultrasound if he drops below 10th percentile.

Amanda's Pregnancy

Another one of my crazy dreams..
I was at a house, (it was Travis's house in my dream but it wasn't a house that I have ever been in.) Well there were baby bears playing outside in the front yard. (the house was in the woods) So I went out to play with them.. Then I went back in the house and layed down on the ground next to Travis, Abbi, and JJ (abbi's baby's dad) and the mommy bear started trying to get into the house.  I got up and started yelling because she wasn't as nice as the baby bears.. and I went by the door to try to hold it closed.  She put her paw through the window next to the door and busted into the house. I ran by travis and layed down next to him.. Idk why.. lol then the bear came over and started smelling my head.. I started yelling and crying and the bear started growling and making mean noises.. and then I got up and started running away and I called my dad to come help me.. I dont really remember much else besides the fact that everyone else in the house was oblivious to the fact that a bear was pretty much attacking me lol

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