My life right now seems surreal.  Lost mom on May 18th and then my brother who lived with her went into his tailspin on July 2nd.  My brother received a miracle and is alive, but has suffered small strokes, his kidneys aren't functioning and he has an internal bleed somewhere in his gi tract.  Now, my 2 other brothers and I have to make decisions about conservasorship, guardianship, and since this brother was the executor of my mother's estate, that as well.  We are discussing Nursing home options.  It is surreal, like a soap opera, gone bad.  While he did this to himself with not managing his diabetes, I still love him.  He is my brother!!!  But DAMN.  

I just needed to vent.

Peace and love to all,

Karen

Thanks to all for prayers of support.  We have experienced a miracle today.  My brother is off the respirator and breathing on his own.  The Neurologist advised that while he does have some brain damage from the lack of oxygen it should just be temporary.

God Bless,

Karen

It's been 10 days since Mom passed.  Most of the noise is gone and trying to get back into routine of work is very hard.  Difficult to focus on the regular tasks.  I miss her greatly, but am aware that her suffering is now done.  I still am in shock.  How did it go from a chemo treatment on the morning of May 7th to dying on the 18th?  Did her Oncologist see this coming?  Why didn't they say something?  Why didn't they respond to all of our inquires to the decreasing red blood cell anemia with the increasing white blood cell count?  We kept telling them that the symptoms from the original surgery and the recurrence were the same with the blood cell counts.  Her CA-125 was never an accurate marker.  Why did they want to wait?  I know I need to let this go and rest that God is ultimately in charge, but I lost my best friend in the world and she suffered for what reason and outcome?