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Marriage Proposals
by SixStringer, Aug 17, 2008 07:22PM
With the national U.S.A. divorce rate running around 50% or so, should marriages be scaled back or even eliminated? Should we bother with something that has such a high chance of ending in failure, involving other innocent family members, including children, along with lasting financial problems? Is there a better alternative?
Keeping in mind that in the US most deaths or injuries of children have either the mother, and/or her next beau involved in the death or injury of children and the fact that father's are worse than second class citizens in our country don't marry, use a condom or get sterilized (the worlds over populated anyway) and just be very careful. You live in a state worse than mine when it comes to marriage and that is saying a whole heck of a lot.
I think it would be best to get back to how it was. I can't tell you how many people I've heard say how they "weren't happy" as the reason they divorced. Back in my grandfather's day, he would have said, "Join the club!" No one can say that they are 100% happy with their relationship 100% of the time.
I saw an interview on Jay Leno a while back--it was with a couple who have been married 80 years. He was 14 when they married and she was 13 and they were 94 and 93 years old. Jay asked them what the secret to being married that long is and the guy said, "Never being out of love at the same time." I thought that pretty much hit the nail on the head.
I think there was a time when divorce was not an option and that forced the many people who get to a point of not being happy to figure out how to make themselves happy WITHIN the marriage. The only problem is that those who were being abused, dealing with addiction or adultry felt they need to stay, too. When people started to leave bad situations like that and start new lives and be happy, too many others decided to do the same for the wrong reasons.
People seem to have no regard to the sanctity of marriage now and I think we need to get back to that, not redefine it or eliminate it.
Gays marrying, people marrying animals, people marrying and having all of their own rules, people marrying for a nice picture line-up in the tabloids, marrying b/c they feel 'it's time' is all blasphemy and should be looked at as such. These couples do not represent REAL marriage.
God says that only through knowing and loving him is love even possible with another. The issue is not the institution of marriage falling apart, it's the people falling apart
At least for what "marriage" is considered in America's history, and our culture and society today. Marriage is based on the Christian perspective of being joined together in a lifelong committment which is (or was) officially validated before a group of people by a clergyman so that the married couple could be held accountable to their marriage by the people.
The whole point of marriage is supposed to be a representation of the relationship between God and the church (the "church" being true Christian believers). In Biblical perspective, God is the groom the the "church" is His bride--God is the loving provider, the overseer, the authority, of His bride. His bride, in return, loves Him, accepts and depends on His provisions, submits to His authority (which is not a bad authority--God is Love and He would never use His authority against those whom He loves. God knows all, can do anything, and has better wisdom than us because He's our creator, so who better to be submissive to authority?), and serves Him by going forth and proclaiming and showing His love to those who don't know it so that they can experience it.
This is what marriage is supposed to represent. A lifelong loving, committed relationship where the husband loves and provides for his wife (and children, if there are any); a love so profound that he would lay down his life for her, as Christ did for us, and that he would care for her as he would for himself. Ephesians 5:25-30 says, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of his body." In the same way, the wife is supposed to have such a deep respect and love for her husband since he holds her in this respect. As it is the husband's job to provide most of the physical aspects of life's necessities, it is the wife's job to return the favor in the form of service and submission to the authority he is supposed to have in the marriage (again, stressing that this is not a bad authority). It is her job to show others how much she is loved and cared for by her husband, so that others who aren't married, or who are having marital problems, can see what a good marriage is supposed to look like and strive to have that for themselves.
That is what a true marriage is supposed to be for a lifetime after that committment is made. A true marriage makes such a strong representation of the relationship between God and His followers, and a Christian man and woman go into a marriage knowing that this is what it's supposed to represent. They go into it knowing that they're supposed to represent God in their marriage, and not part from it through a divorce.
Marriage is not supposed to be two people in the mindset of "We're so in love and we want to spend the rest of our lives together," and that's that, thinking that's all it boils down to. It's just about me, you, and me.
I say this because in this mindset, it's people wanting a relationship with another person because who doesn't want to experience a relationship when they reach sexual maturity? It's a natural part of life. But generally, they seek out a relationship to fulfill the sexual need and experience first and foremost, then the emotional bond comes second. So usually the relationship begins as Me, then You. Then if the emotional bond gets built on the sexual part, people think the next logical step would be marriage. But in time, they change and things happen, and it all comes down to the fact that they're still looking out for number one--"I'm not happy anymore;" "I met someone else;" "We're just not 'in love' anymore," and excuse after excuse. And *oftentimes,* both people knew of the others' downfalls before they got married, but, like I said, the marriage is generally based on the emotional bond formed around sex, which was sought for a selfish experience. They wound up getting married anyway, and then when it falls apart because they were blinded by their selfishness in the beginning, along comes the divorce, because of Excuse A, B, or C. They may even be valid excuses for a divorce, like abuse or infidelity, but the thing is...people *usually* go into a marriage knowing the others' downfalls but they think it'll never happen to them anyway.
Please note: Usually. Not always.
As a Christian, and also from experience of my own downfalls in a past relationship that unfortunately involves my innocent son who deserves none of what that relationship came to, I have realized what real Christian Marriage is all about. First and foremost, it should be a dependence on God to put the right person in your life; a person that will not be unequally yoked in the beliefs and faith you put in God. Then that relationship is supposed to blossom into a deep emotional bond that is NOT based on sex. From there, it leads to marriage, which will be a lifelong committment and obviously, not a horribly difficult committment to keep. I'm not saying a Christian marriage won't go through problems, I'm saying the committment to the marriage will probably be much stronger than that of a "marriage" that has no interest in representing God first and foremost.
Just my two cents.
I think that religion (not just Christian) does play a part in many marriages and I also believe that religion CAN result in people being more committed (although I have seen more people than I care to admit who were “Christians” who have affairs, but that’s another conversation). However, many, if not most, of the “Christian” weddings I’ve attended involved either a bride or groom (or both) who were not Christian until they started to plan their weddings--and after the wedding, they go back to being how they were prior to the ceremony. My sister and her husband are the only people I know who actually practiced their religion and were married in the Church of which they were members since kids--and they still go and they take their kids. So, no…I can’t see where it’s a Christian thing (as much as many Christians like to believe it is).
Marriage in many societies, throughout history, is about creating a secure environment for the family--and often that is made with the inclusion of God or with God as the foundations. And even religious based marriages have evolved through time--ancient Hebrew law stated that when a man dies, his brother must marry his widow. I’m sure that was all connected to God and love and respect and honor, but it’s no longer practiced or followed.
All that said, I think the morphing of marriage as we know it is a societal thing. Because many of us come from families of divorce or know people who have come from families of divorce and have friends who have divorced and remarried and divorced again, it’s become more acceptable--the norm. It's not shameful to leave your spouse and kids nowadays--it's viewed as "good for you for getting out of a bad-for-you situation!" I think many people enter into marriage nowadays (yes, even marriages that take place in a Christian church) thinking that if it doesn’t work, they can just move on (and many do).
Again, we’re back to the "me" mentality. It’s the same in workplaces. My grandfather worked for a bank and raised his family on his modest salary--he retired from the company and had a nice pension and he wasn't traveling the world with his wife, but they were comfortable in their old age. Companies don’t offer that very often these days (and they will cut half their workforce without thinking twice, while the higher-ups have ridiculously huge salaries)--and as a result, people aren’t loyal to companies anymore. I’m the HR Director for our company and resumes are pages long to include all the jobs people have had. There seems to be a lack of commitment and stick-to-it-tive-ness across the board.
So, you can try to make it about religion if you want, but it’s more about people’s mentality, if you ask me.
I didn't necessarily want to make this about religion, lol...I hope this doesn't turn into a big debate. I wanted to simply state my opinion of how I view what a marriage is supposed to be, and represent, according to my beliefs as a Christian.
The whole concept of it being that way is to take the focus away from the selfishness in a relationship, which could only be a benefit.
But if a marriage lasts a lifetime without any religion involved, and suffers few marital problems, then more power to the couple--and I genuinely mean that.
A significant drop in divorce rates and broken families due to meaningless marriages could only be a good thing, whether religion is involved or not.
To believe you are an exception is to live in a fantasy. The truth is ONE partner has usually decided to break up about 6 months before the other even has a clue.
hopfulEparents mentioned nothing about one person being mentally ill or planning for months behind the scenes to leave.
I can understand where people who have experienced a bad relationship (either directly or through a close loved one) can end up having a jaded view of it in general, but there are some who don't. I saw my parents' marriage end in a very sad way and I've seen my mom heartbroken and struggling--and I listened to my mother make comments about how all men are selfish and rotten (her jaded view after having been so badly hurt), but seeing her go through what she did and hearing her say the things she has said have not jaded me into believing that marriage in general *****.
Truthfully men in America who marry and/or have kids can be expected to be punished in our society so why do it? It is an institution that has been redesigned to favor the party who is most likely to suffer mental illness while in it!! But I could go on for pages about this but at this time I would prefer not to.
are you fussing about the child support system? i must say that my recommendation to any man or woman having children is to never have more than YOU want to take care of. yes, when a marriage, relationship, or one night stand ends you ultimately are left with the responsibility of however many little one's you created looking at you for support, protection, and care.
that means child support (which virtually no man would pay if the courts didn't make them b/c it's d*mn the woman= d*mn the children) and the custodial parent picking up the rest (food, clothing, shelter, & Everything else) for each child, each and every year of their young lives and more often even longer than that. if it feels like punishment then maybe, to help other men out, you could become an advocate for male vasectomies