just and ideea if anybody has..please...plese plese

[Adelinapleasehelp]

am 16 yeas old and I have a very serious problem. I was a hypochondriac all my life and was very concerned about my health and I now think I am going crazy. I have always had panic attacks but now something bad has happened to me. It started one day when I woke up sad and started crying out of no reason at all. I felt scared and cried all morning. Then I started having problems with some dizzy fazes that kept appearing all day. I had panic attacks and dizzy problems all day. Soon I started to feel scared to get out of the house. I also started having eating problems and weird moods when I felt hopeless and irrational and scared..It’s like I was another person. It was like a faze.  After having a RMN to the brain I saw I didn’t have a brain tumor and then the thought of me going crazy first popped into my head. Soon it there were 3 weeks since I had started waking up and crying and then during the day the thought that I was going crazy came and just wouldn’t leave me and I got scared and I cried and I couldn’t look myself in the mirror and always thought bout what people thought of me. I was acting irrational and I was scared about that. Soon my fear of leaving the house or entering a shop or mall disappeared and I started. I was happy I could go out with my friends all the time and laugh again…BUT I was still waking up sad and crying and one day I couldn’t laugh any more and I couldn’t feel anymore any emotions, happiness and I couldn’t do anything I liked before. Sometimes I feel like the sadness is so huge in my chest I can’t live anymore and I can’t speak. I have to make efforts to speak and I can’t eat. Nothing makes me smile or laugh and I can’t talk to my friends anymore. I can’t tell jokes and be sarcastic. I can’t love or feel love and I lost my personality I have times during the day that last up to 4 hours when my heart starts beating fast and I feel like I am going crazy or loosing control and then I act irrational and I cry and have a very weird dream like state and I go crying to my parents and tell them that I don’t feel well and I can’t do anythng then not even sleep. Besides the fact that I can’t talk anymore, it seems hard, I noticed my voice is sounding to me (my parents not) the same. It’s like talking from far away….where is the old me? What’ happening to me? Will I ever be the same? I can’t know when I am rational or not since I have so many fazes and moods…which is the real me?  I don’t hear voices or loose touch with reality..but I want me back…It’s like whether I am depressed or paranoid and irrational and scared..but the old me is not there…God, what have I?

[ggreg]

Dear Adelina,
Basically the feeling you are experiencing is one of being out of control, and when a person gets in a situation where they feel out of control, panic comes, which is really just ordinary fear.  Fear is often triggered by something long ago that made them feel exactly the same way, and it can be some big deal or even a series of smaller events.

To give you some insight on this business of losing control, this sort of thing can lead a person to becoming "controlling," and this comes out as obsessive-compulsive disorder, which is a good thing, for example, in surgeons, but a bad thing for an average Jane Doe.  Your concern about your health is a very good example of the obsessive feature of a fearful person.  And your panic is another good example of the meltdown scenario of the same fearful person.

If you will look at a dog who has been neglected, or hurt, or ignored and confined in a back yard, he will pace and pace, he will be afraid of anyone and everything around him, and he will either withdraw or become agressive.  For me, it was a car wreck.  I was in a terrible accident when I was in my early twenties, and I am obsessive and I have panic disorder.  It got to where I couldn't ride in cars.  But anything that induces fear can make a person like this.

On top of all this, depression is sometimes agression turned inward, or I think of it as frustration.  A person knows they have done nothing wrong, and yet they feel guilty.  Something has made them feel that way, particularly in a younger person who normally hasn't done much of anything to be guilty.  This explains how come you wake up crying and sad.  You are fed up with feeling like you're on trial 24/7.  

The fact that you are in your mid-teens also suggests a contributing physical factor that may be intensifying these feelings you have.  Hormones are blowing out all over the place at your age, so as long as you are aware of this part, you can at least know that the older you get, the less likely you will feel this way.

In the end, it is all fear.  It does not really matter how come you have become a bundle of nerves.  What matters is how you deal with it.  "Standing in your fear" has to become a part of your skill set, to learn step-by-step how to handle fear when it visits on you.  By doing many positive activities, you can counter balance the bad stuff.  You can begin or increase all kinds of activities, well within your comfort zone, like studying hard in a class you like, taking up a physical sport like jogging or tennis or horseback riding, or getting really good at a personal interest like painting or learning guitar.

Staying inside, while safe, is even more frustrating than dealing with what happens "out there."  So, for example, just going out in your yard is a first step to freedom.  If you'll stand in the grass barefoot, it will ground you.  Just go out in the night and look up at the stars, or lay right down in broad daylight and listen to the wind blow the trees and the birds sing.  Become an observer, get centered in natural things.  Grow a little vegetable garden in your yard, dig around in the dirt, or get you some canvas board and some paints, and perch on the porch and dabble in the stuff.

Extend this "yard" practice further out into your world.  Join clubs with people who share common interests with you, and that way, all of you have something to share with each other besides regular chit-chat, like taking a yoga class, or self-defense class, or join a reading group.  Try to make one fairly good new friend somewhere along the way, that you can express yourself to without fear, so as to practice your social skills.  You can also volunteer, which puts you in a position of looking outward and helping, instead of focusing internally on your own junk.

I could go on and on about this, but I just wanted to give you an idea of what you can do to make these feelings subside to a dull roar, to background sound.  Push forward bit by bit, do fun things, put a smile on your face, brush your hair and wear something special, and go out there.  My dear, you have your entire life ahead of you.  You are not nuts.  You are a very aware person to have come on this forum and confess your difficulties.  I hope some of this helps.  I've been where you are and there is a path you can take, into the light, to be free.
GG  

[Adelinapleasehelp]

Thankyou but I feel so empty...I can't laugh or smile anymore...not even a funny tv show can't make me smile..and when I am with poeple I can't talk or take part in discussion. that's weird cuz I used to be very social funny and sarcastic..and now I feel like this is not even my voice and it takes inner effort to speak...I used to take antidepressants but I stopped